Do I Deserve This?
May 29th 2007 -
Ever since my maid ran away, many things have changed. There’s no one to do the house work, no one to prepare breakfast/lunch/dinner, no one to do the laundry, etc… Well, that can only means that now everyone has to take the responsibility to do a little of work, else mum will have to end up doing everything on her own. Will that be fair for her as a corperate woman who works from 9-5 everyday and have to come home early to do the house work?
Anyway, that’s not the whole point. Me, being the eldest of the family, I have to take up the responsibility to help out in the house work. But is it fair that my brothers (I have two younger brothers) can sit around and be lazy and get away with the house work while I had to do his dirty work?
I had a fight with my youngest brother the other day over house work last week. How silly can that be, you would say. But there’s more towards it.
Situations:
- Everyone wash up their dishes after each meal. While my youngest brother just leave it in the sink and wait for someone to do it. How hard can it be so wash a plate or cup? I told him to wash his own dishes, he said he will do it but the dishes are left in the sink over until night without touching it. And of course, my mum will end up doing it.
- Usually, when my youngest brother comes home from school, he would throw his dirty shoes and socks on the floor and wait for maid to pick it up. I told him to put his shoes and socks in place; he just ignored me and continued to play his game.
- Usually mum would do the laundry, I would hang it at night and my youngest brother is responsible to take down the laundry when he comes back from school. So I told reminded him to do so when he got back, as usual, he ignored me. Then later that evening, it started to rain. I told him to do so. He got pissed and ignored me because he was half way through some games. The raining was getting heaver and he still sits there doing nothing. I had no choice but to unplug the internet cable. Having experience not switching off the modem during heavy rain once, the modem got fried. So, as a result, I had to take in the clothes under the rain as quick as possible. Had to get help from my first younger brother to do so.
- The toilet that I share with my brothers has the tendency of getting clogged sometimes. Usually when I clogged the toilet, I would clean it up. Because it is too disgusting to ask someone else to clean up your mess. So what happened the other day was, I came home from college late evening. Wanted to take a shower, but at the same time, the toilet bowl was clogged with poo floating in it. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Obviously you would ask him to clean in up, right? So I did. I went to, youngest brother and asked him politely “Did you clog the toilet?†He did not answer me yes or no but looked at me and smile. So it’s obvious that it’s him. So I asked him to clean it up. He smiled at me and told me to go away. I told him to clean it up now because I wanted to use the toilet. He continues to do his own thing, ignoring me, pretending that I was invisible. I asked him again several times politely. He continues to ignore me and asked me to go away. So I got pissed, I yelled at him. He said I don’t have to raise my voice and continues to ask me not to disturb him. That got me really upset. I took his phone and went off. Obviously if the phone is your property, you would react in someway. So he pushed me to get his phone back, I didn’t want to give it to him. I told him to clean the toilet first. I got him upset then. He struggles to get it back, so I threw his phone on the floor. That got him pissed. So he started to beat me up. Knowing that he’s much bigger than I am, physically. He had his way.
Mum was downstairs doing the laundry then. She came to stop us. But he pushed her away and continues to beat me. Mum managed to stop him then and blame me for starting the fight. Was it my wrong at the first place?
Bottom line is, this wouldn’t have happened if he could have said something like “I will clean the toilet later but please leave me alone for nowâ€, instead of ignoring me. How hard can that be to say those words? Of course, I was at wrong to yelled at him and to threw his phone. But as a guy, he shouldn’t be hitting a girl. And being his elder sister, he should have showed some respect. Is getting physical is a way out of any problem, just because knowing that you may be physically stronger than the opponent?
Give you another scenario. When me youngest brother were to yell at my mum. She says nothing. When she asks him something and he doesn’t reply. She says nothing. So does that means it is okay to be rude? If I were him, if no one say anything it, I would think its okay to do so. But if my first younger brother and I were to do that to my mum, she would immediately scold us or say we’re rude. But she doesn’t do that to my youngest brother.
Questions:
- Why is there favouritism in the family?
- Is it okay to let your favourite son/daughter have their way most of the time?
- Is it okay to be rude?
- What impression would it have given you when a person you’re talking to doesn’t answer you but just ignore you?
- I asked him politely but he was rude. If he didn’t get on my nerve, I wouldn’t have yelled at him or threaten to take his phone. So who is at wrong in the first place?
- Having to be the one helping up with the house work most of the time. Mum doesn’t even show any appreciation. If my brother doesn’t do it, my mum would do it herself without saying a word. As a result, my brother managed to run away with things easily. Is that alright?
May 29th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Aiseh… go and do your own laundry la.
I langsung don’t have maid at home to run away from! Duh!
May 30th, 2007 at 11:53 am
William: I’m not the one complaining about doing the laundry.
May 30th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
well these are tough questions to answer.
YES, favoritism WILL HAPPEN in almost all families. Why ? cause we are human.
e.g We speak to friends we like, and ignore the others.
As for number 2, answer is definite NO. If this continues to happen, I guess your entire family need to sit in a serious heart to heart talk and speak things out.
Number 3, No. But it happens ALL THE TIME. Same goes to my family.
Number 4. Happens between me and my mum sometimes when she nags me to clean up the house. So I guess its normal ?
Number 5. I guess nobody is right at all.
Number 6. Thats not alright. Referring back to number 2, If this is happening, Bring your dad and the whole family into discussion. Discuss out the entire issue of being fair. Draw up a fair timetable of house chores.
Another solution, get another maid as soon as possible.
As for the toilet, It had happened to me a few years back. Just give a call to Indah water to clean up the clogged undergroud pipe and it will be smooth sailing always.
God Bless.
May 31st, 2007 at 12:16 am
Lance: Thanks for answering. You do have some points there. But erm, calling Indah Water is a bit too much. Because it only happened to one toilet in the house.
Also, after I got punched in the eye. I had to wear glasses to cover up. Now it look yellowish-green eye shadow on one side.
Yeah, mum is planning to get another maid. She can’t stands having to do the housework after coming home from tiring days at work. It’s just for convenient sake.
May 31st, 2007 at 6:25 am
Your youngest brother is obviously spoiled by your mother.
however, even I have no clue of how to nurture a child.. but it has to be done from young.
otherwise, its hard to knock some sense into his brain later..
May 31st, 2007 at 12:59 pm
I agree with Dwayne Foong,
The youngest brother is way too spoiled. If this don’t get solved soon, Just imagine what will happen when he grows older.
Pushing mum away, hitting sister in the eye… this is way too much man. He has no respect at all for the family.
Ermmm not to worry about indah water. I called them before, my neighbor called them before. Better to solve the problem once and for all.
Or else the clogging might get worst over time.
May 31st, 2007 at 1:53 pm
hey cousin. Greetings from the States.
Wish I were speaking to you under more pleasant circumstances. Out of the blue I just decided to check your blog, and I saw this post.
Really sorry to hear (or read, rather) about what’s happening.. but what can I say; the women in your family (auntie sk and urself) are pillars of strength.
Though it clearly isn’t okay, your mum must have her reasons for not taking a harsher stand with hy. Perhaps she’s worried that being harsh with him will only escalate his hostility? Just a possibility, I don’t know for sure.
What I do know is that you have to be strong, for your mum, hk and even hy. Right now everyone is unconsciously depending on each other not to give in to the negative feelings.
“People need loving the most when they deserve it the least.”
It’s hard, and I understand what feeling alone in a difficult situation is like. However, prayer always helps, and remember to keep your cool and be strong for them.
Take care.
-oli
(oo btw kevin is a DAMn good photographer.. haha)
June 1st, 2007 at 10:00 am
Hi Celine,
Sorry to hear about what’s happening. I understand how you feel.
I wish I could be there to hug you and to tell you that in spite of everything, be strong.
You are a strong lady
I agree with Dwayne Foong.
and I think, a family meeting or perhaps Dad’s intervation is neccesary - to put a stop in his action.
Just because he is bigger, it doesnt mean that he does, he have the right to hit you.
But at the same time, do learn to exercise your anger and learn to be a little bit more patient.
I remembered, last time, my elder sister threw my youngest brother’s gameboy advance 2 out of anger, because my brother refused to do what she wanted him to do.
At the end, to settle the matter, I told my brother that I will get for him a new one.
And ya, my brother did hit my elder sister too, on her shoulder. Because the gameboy advance was his favourite thing and he bought it using his own money. it’s expensive, and he was very young.
I came from a large family background. I had six siblings. And the youngest one is my little brother. While growing up, he used to rebel, and he won’t do housework chores. It is irratating when he ignored me. But as the third elder sister, I used the method of “you reap what you sow” and that means, if he is not doing any housework chores, he is not entitled to any meal at home. It didnt work, of course. But in the front of the family, before the meal was served, I reminded him about “him not doing the household chores and just want to eat” and told him to imagine if nobody wanted to do the household chores, if mum refused to cook, what will happen? I also reminded him that “not only you don’t like to do household chores, we too but we have no choice”
Like one Bill Gates once said, life is not fair, you just gotta get used to it. In my home, my youngest brother was the only who was sent to kindergarten before starting his primary school, all of my sisters and me, nope.
Coming from a large family, sometimes the love that was divided among us, is really not fair. I was upset of course, my sisters was upset too. But over time, I learned that it doesnt really matter anymore
Last time, I used to hit my brother, though he is much taller than me. I hit him with hanger to discpline him, when he did something wrong. Mum scolded, of course. But I told mum and explained that what he did was wrong, and of course, after that she kept quiet.
Celine, just do the right thing.
My brother hit me when I hit him. But I couldnt be bothered, coz I know that is the right thing to do. I don’t mind both of us getting hurt, it just that when he do something wrong, he needs to know it - no matter what. But of course, I’m not encouraging you to hit your brother
I love him, and often left crying alone when I hit him. There were one time, while discpline him, I told him, I love him, and I was down in tears.
In everything, do things out in love. If you have hard time in controlling your patient, and feeling down due to family issue. Seek God.
Things may not come easy in life, but with God’s strength, you’ll be able to make it through.
And do remember to spend more time with your family. Communication and love is very important.
Get involved in whatever he is doing and try to understand him and let him know that you understand him.
All the best in life and God bless.
P/s: Now, my relationship with my brother has improved tremendously. We have become best friends
June 14th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
I just browse through blogs and I saw your’s. I know this is an outdated post and hopefully you are reading this.
I know how u feel… I came from a family whereby guys’ presence in the family is far more important than girl. being the only girl in the family doesn’t seems to live in a life of happiness.. even til the extend, I wanted to run away from home. I had packed my stuff and ready to go but I was only 5/6 yr old that time and money was a problem to me if i were to ran away. hence, i stayed on.
I struggled and faught with family like mad…. You can ask my family if u have the opportunity to meet with them, though embarrassing moment, but I thank God for all those that I went through. If not because of God, I think I will still trap in that situation and I don’t even dare to think of my future….
I struggled a lot when I first come to know God. I struggled with “honor your parents”…. I hated them so much but God wanted me to love them as they are my parents. Like it or not, they are the one who gave me a place to stay, money to spent, a place to study and many more… I wanted so much to give up my family as I really was scare then… God told me 1 thing… If my own family members I can’t even love, can I even love others? No, I can’t… Im just fooling myself if I were to say I can…
I know it is hard… I know… But persevere on… God knows what is in our heart. I know this might sound rediculous, but if your brother ignore you, then do it for him.. I know it sounded a bit unfair, but always keep in mind that the Lord knows what you have done… Do not return evil with evil but with good deeds. Somehow, someday, your brother might change just because of what you have done for him… =)
Take heart.. God is with you… Never will He forsake you, never will He leave you… Gambateh ya…
June 14th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
Hahha… forgot to tell you that…. Now, after all those struggling, God open a door fo rme… My relationship with my family is good now!
June 21st, 2007 at 9:51 am
Lance: Thanks for the info.
oliverchua: Cousin, thanks for your comforting words.
Pauline, 33: Thank you for sharing. I’m sure God has His reason for everything that happen in our lives, as part of trials in our lives to make us a stronger and better person.